Nourishing Romance In Our Marriages-Abra Carnahan


A couple in love.

Once upon a time, a boy and a girl who were very much in love got married. In the months that followed, the newlyweds lived off their love for one another. They made love multiple times a day, they didn’t see the point in clothes when they were home alone and could rarely be coaxed beyond the confines of their tiny love nest.

Fast forward a decade: the couple made four wonderful kids.  He is a medical student who works full time and she stays home with the kids.  They’ve had their ups and downs, but despite (perhaps because of) all this, they are still very much in love.

Sisters, I’m not going to give you any five step program on How to Keep Your Marriage Sizzling because the details will vary from couple to couple. Once I heard a statistic that if you put a bean in a jar every time you have sex in the first year of marriage and then take one out for every time thereafter, you’ll never empty the jar. Personally, I think if you are keeping count, you’ve got it all wrong!

The purpose of marriage.

There will be seasons in your life when your marriage is red hot with passion and then there will be seasons where you may go weeks without being able to enjoy one another that way. Here is a little known fact about healthy marriages: Mind-blowing, toe curling sex is a perk, not a goal in and of itself.

Marriage is primarily for God’s glory and our sanctification.

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is wonderful and frankly, I believe an orgasm is about as close to heaven as we can get right now. But how often a couple gets hot and heavy is not an indication of how much in love they are. Put down the Cosmo ladies; you don’t need to go on a diet, get a makeover, or learn any crazy new moves to satisfy your man!

So how do you nourish your marriage and cultivate romance? The answer is mercifully uncomplicated: By glorifying God.

~He is the one who gave you this man. Love your husband by honoring God first.

~Stay in the Word so you know what God desires of you.

~Respect your husband and don’t expect him to fill that God shaped hole in your heart.

~Pray for your husband. Don’t hold him to impossible standards or keep score of shortcomings.

~Love him for the man God is making him.

Be intentional in your marriage.

Are you feeling disconnected in your marriage? Set apart time to be alone. Hire a babysitter. Stay up late or get up early. Do whatever you need to do so you can talk and reconnect with the man you are designed to help. Bless your husband with your disposition; don’t be a contentious woman.

Is your marriage in a season of trial? Is sex a chore more than an impulse right now? Take your concerns to God and rest in the understanding that frequency does not define the quality of your marriage. It is not healthy to abstain from intimacy long term, but it is ok to be too tired or too sick sometimes. Remember, sex is not the goal, it is a gift.

Finally, don’t forget that Your man is unique: God custom designed him for your delight and His glory. If you are looking for new ways to keep the home fires burning, ask your husband what he delights in! What turns on my husband will be different from what works for yours.

As wives, it is our happy task to figure out exactly what that means in our wonderfully unique marriage!


Abra and her husband, Ben, have been married since the summer of 2004. They live in Idaho where she stays home with their four children. Abra is passionate about pursuing God and her hobbies: reading, archery and eating cheese.


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