We need the power of God.
One of the most frustrating things when dealing with people with a personality disorder, they usually don’t realize the symptoms they are exhibiting and how their behavior effects those around.
We need to have some knowledge in our belt.
8 benefits in naming a personality disorder.
What is the benefit of knowing if a loved one may have a personality disorder (PD)?
- It’s not your fault. Though you were probably not a perfect daughter, mother, sister, even friend, the bottom line, it’s not your fault. There are factors involved that do not make it your fault. And if you weren’t the best, there is grace for us to move on, reconcile and be the best you can be today.
- Now you know how to best, or at least a better way to deal with your loved one. When my mother was diagnosed, I felt a huge sense of relief. There was a name to her bizarre behavior. I could finally let go of the pleasing cycle I had lived my whole life. The bottom line: I could never please my mother.
- You know how to pray. We now can pray more effectively in issues regarding our loved ones. Above all the mess, the chaos, the misunderstandings, God knows it all. He knows and understands. Just as He can bring that person into clarity and understanding of their own personality disorder, He can bring us knowledge and peace.
- You can help other loved ones or family members have a healthy relationship with the person you suspect has a PD. God gives us knowledge for a purpose and it’s for ourselves and to share with others. Though we don’t have all the answers, God does give us clues and insight otherwise we wouldn’t have.
- Opportunity to put boundaries around the relationship you think has a PD. Even though my mother was paranoid delusional it didn’t mean I should let her walk all over me or my family. I finally had to let her know that she couldn’t abuse my children or me any longer. I had to place some normalcy in our relationship. The sane part of her I knew understood this, but couldn’t take it. These boundaries led to a break in our relationship.
- Finally let go of the guilt. I know what living with guilt means. I’ve done it my whole life. By my saying no to my mother, I was saying yes to live a guilt-free life. It didn’t go away immediately and took some time with the help of my husband, my brother and counseling. And if the guilt creeps back in, if I’m following God and not living outside His plan, then I know that guilt is not from God. Brush the guilt away!
- Pursue healing the relationship as much as the other person allows it. You can’t push it. You can’t force them. You are able to do only what is within your own power. As much as I wanted healing between my mother and I, and I wanted a normal mother-daughter relationship, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I know it probably never will. And that’s okay.
- Learn to react to the issues that are most important and not to lose focus on the most important. It’s easy for someone with a PD to derail you and get you off topic. This has happened to me numerous times. When you are aware of this happening, you put the important issues in front and not let the PD derail you. This is difficult to deal with, as a loved one with a PD knows your emotions and can use them against you. I’ve have some great friends who reminded me to put up those needed boundaries and try to not react. As I’m an emotional person, this has been difficult. God has grown me and each interaction is an opportunity for growth in me!
Pray. Pray. Pray.
I believe in the power of knowledge. Go to a counselor who is trained in the area of personality disorders. Read books from authors you trust and have first hand knowledge in the area of PD’s.
Pray over your loved one with PD.
Pray over every encounter.
Pray for Jesus to shine in every encounter, every word.
Pray for truth to be brought out to the light.
Pray for protection in your home, in your environment.
Blessings in your journey.
Let me know how I can pray for you.
I know. I understand. Even more, God knows. God understands.